Final Post, 2010

This year was as challenging a year as I've had in all my 61 years.  The highs reached to heaven; the lows just don't seem so low with God on your side.  There were plenty of highs, but I will only mention the top four:

• Lyla Marie Kraay
• Marie's First Communion
• The Hamsa
• Bicycling

Ash Wednesday fell on February 17th this year.  Marie and I attended Mass, and from that day forward, I attended daily Mass through the remainder of the year, and I will continue that practice in 2011 and beyond.  That daily practice has changed me irreversibly for the rest of my life, and I am convinced it has changed me in a positive way.  I only wish it happened sooner, but I remain thankful for the way it is.

Five months later, due in no small part to the influence of Father Greg Wiest, Marie made her First Communion.  I cannot express how special it is when a mature person is moved by God and makes a choice to give her soul to him.  Clearly, Marie made a choice because she wanted to, not because she had to!

I could list hundreds of positive things that happened, but I won't.  I will keep them to myself and hope that you have those things to recall in 2010 as well.  After all, each of us has the choice to remember 2010 through the good things that happened to us or through the not so good.  That is our choice.  I'll remember the good, and leave my 2010 posts with a final, if not rather inconsequential thought ...

In January 2010, I told myself I would ride my bike 2,600 miles, which I believe approximates the distance from New York City to Los Angeles.  After my final 2010 ride this morning, I end the year with 2,725.22 miles on my bike and 22.34 miles in my pool.  In the words of James Brown, "I feel good."

Christmas Eve

"On Christmas Eve many years ago, I lay quietly in my bed.  I did not rustle the sheets.  I breathed slowly and silently.  I was listening for a sound I was afraid I'd never hear.  The ringing bells of Santa's sleigh."

The Polar Express

Chooser

"You're not born a winner or a loser .... You're born a chooser."

Adrian Branch on ESPN U

Long Riders

In 1925, Frank Heath, a cavalryman in the First World War traded his horse for a 10-year old mare named Gypsy Queen and then announced that he would ride through all 48 states.  In 1927, more than 11,000 miles later, Frank and Gypsy Queen rode into Washington D.C. after touching all 48 states in the Union.  Though certainly not as bold and prodigious as Frank, I set a goal for myself on January 1, 2010 that I would ride 2,600 miles on my bike this year, roughly the distance from New York to Los Angeles. As I finished my ride this morning, I turned 2,609.17 miles, which leads be to think I'll cap 2,700 on the year, maybe a bit more.  I'm already thinking I can clear 3,000 in 2011.

Like the archangels ...

I am your father, and like the archangels in heaven -- with Raphael, Michael, Gabriel and the others -- I have prayed in your name.

Tithing

In simple terms, tithing means giving one tenth of your income.  Typically, we think if tithing in terms of giving to the church.  I made a commitment to God that I would tithe on every cent I make on my books, and in tithing, I will give my tenth to a charitable cause.  It could be the church, it could be something else.  Last month, your Mom and I donated to the Gospel Rescue Mission here in Tucson.  We received a letter of thanks this afternoon that contained these words:

"I spent time at the Tucson shelter in July 2010.  I had become homeless and was waiting on a bus ticket from my sister.  I want to thank you and the staff there for offering me food and shelter.  I would have been on the streets if it were not for you.  You shared with me the love of Christ.  Maybe, God willing, I will be able to return your kindness some day.  Thanks to you and all the staff there.  May God continue to bless the outreach of His love."

I share this with you only so that you will be conscious of those less fortunate than you.  If you have the means to help, do.

Patience

The Molon Labe Moment

I've been sitting on this essay for months.  Why I chose to post it on Thanksgiving Day 2010, I have no explanation.  Regardless, it is time.  Several years ago, I wrote this sequence in my first historical novel, The Olympian: A Tale of Ancient Hellas:

“With only the sound of his snorting steeds and the heavy breaths of the Hellenes on the wind, Xerxes commanded in a stern but respectful voice, ‘Brave Spartans, your valor in the face of certain death is unmatched by any men.  There is no shame in what you have done here.  Receive Xerxes’ mercy and return to your wives and children.  Throw down your weapons and be spared by the Great King.’

“…  At that moment, the lives of the surviving warriors were in the hands of Leonidas, not Xerxes.  Hellene defeat was imminent, but I knew it was not the Spartan way to surrender.  ‘With it or on it,’ the Spartan women would tell their men as they marched to war: return home carrying your shield or being carried dead upon it.  I feared that neither these shields nor the men who clutched them would ever return to Sparta.  Leonidas gazed from left to right, at the giant army before him, and at the valiant men around him.  He took his time to answer and as he inspected his remaining troops, I’m sure his eyes locked with each and every one of his soldiers who had stood beside him through this bloodbath.  His men knew what their king’s answer would be, but Xerxes waited while his horses pawed the bloody ground … Finally, Leonidas removed his helmet and his long locks, soaked with sweat, cascaded beyond his shoulders.

“The Spartan king raised his helmet to the sky and in a loud and clear voice yelled back to the King of Persia, ‘Molòn lábe’ - ‘Come and take them.’  The Spartan king rushed forward brandishing a bent sword and his men followed….  They awaited the final Persian onslaught yelling all the while, “Come and take them, come and take them …” as each pounded whatever weapon he still held on his shield, helmet or cuirass to make an intimidating racket that I hoped might cause the earth to split and swallow the invaders.  Men with no chance of escape, refusing to surrender, stood proudly and arrogantly in the face of their last moments on earth.  Not a man turned aside.

“… my gut tightened as 20 ranks of 100 archers moved forward from the sea of men who stood silently behind the Persian king.  They encircled the hill upon which Leonidas and his men waited.  The Lakedaimonians showed no panic or fear.  Those who could stand did so; those too maimed to rise to their feet sat or lay on the ground with whatever weapon they had lifted defiantly in the air.  Xerxes raised his right arm, and as he did, more than 2,000 archers pointed their bows toward the sky in the direction of the hill and drew back their arrows.

“As the Persian bows flexed, the Spartans raised what shields they had and locked them together as best they could.  This, their only source of defense, had been greatly depleted.  No shield remained whole and without damage and what bronze facing would have shone brilliantly in full sun was now dull and tarnished with the dried blood of thousands of men who had been crushed before them.  Heavy, wooden bases were no longer intact, and some men raised large pieces of naked oak, the bronze covering having been knocked clean off in previous confrontation.  No Spartan screamed or cried with fear and all waited boldly now in silence for the first wave of arrows.

“Xerxes lowered his arm and another trumpet blast signaled the archers to loose their shafts of death.  The sound of thousands of arrows was terrifying as the feathered bolts cut through the still air with the deadly hiss of a striking snake.  They arced through the sky and some even reached a height equal to where Theo and I watched.  The shadow of these bolts moved across the ground like a creeping predator and converged on the hillock.  I prayed that Zeus would stop time and freeze the arrows in flight, but I knew it would not happen.  They came from all directions, and so many were there that when they turned back toward the earth to fall upon the hill, they momentarily hid the scene before us.  Theo rolled to his back and stared at the charcoal sky.  He grabbed my shoulder and I could feel the strength of his grip.

“I could not turn my eyes from the sight and watched as 2,000 arrows fell upon a hundred men.  The sound was deafening and it sickened me.  Many struck the oak shields with the quick, short ‘plunk’ akin to hailstones striking the farmer’s cart in a powerful summer storm.  Too many more found flesh and blood.  The wooden wall of broken shields held above the defenders began to collapse.  The first rush of death lasted only a few racing heartbeats, but when it was over, fewer hearts on that hill continued to beat.

“…. After the first wave of arrows, the Spartans lowered their shields to dislodge the shafts and relieve their burden of additional weight.  At first, I could not see Leonidas, but then, midway through the ranks, I saw his body rise in the hands of a giant of a man.  The king’s head lay back and his helmet fell to the ground; both arms hung limply.  There was no mistaking his fate.  I remembered the words the Pythia had spoken to the ephor Leon, “Your king or your city….” 

“Amid the fallen bodies that surrounded him, the giant maintained his balance and struggled to the crest of the hill where he gently placed the fallen king on the ground.  He and his comrades surrounded the lion’s son….   He stood on the top of that hill, undefended, above the body of Leonidas, and raised his broken sword to the heavens.  He repeated the words of Leonidas, and his voice ripped through the stillness that had fallen upon the masses, “Molòn lábe!”  Those were the only words I ever heard the man speak.”

That, my friends is the defining ‘Molon Labe Moment’ (MLM) as I’ve come to call it.  When I originally sketched The Olympian: A Tale of Ancient Hellas, my original intention was to bring my protagonist and his friend [Theagenes and Simonides] to Platea where the combined Greek forces destroy the remnants of Xerxes’ army subsequent to the Greek naval victory at Salamis.  When I wrote my ‘Molon Labe Moment,’ I was physically and emotionally exhausted and I knew without question that I was ready to bring the story to its end.

Two years later, as I complete my second novel, The Hamsa, I recognize that I have created another ‘Molon Labe Moment;’ it just naturally occurred.  When I wrote the MLM sequence, I concluded that many, if not all of us face a ‘Molon Labe Moment’ in our lives.  What is the Molon Labe Moment?

At that moment in time 2500 years ago, Leonidas has reached a crossroad, a defining moment in his life and is faced with a decision:

·         He can accept the king’s clemency, save his life and the lives of his remaining soldiers and return to his home and family or

·         He can do what he believes is the right thing to do for the greater good of his country.

Leonidas chooses the latter.  In The Hamsa, my second historical novel, the protagonist is given a similar choice with the same results: clemency or death.  He can take clemency and escape death and the miserable conditions with which he is faced, or he can do what he believes is the right thing to do, which ultimately lead to his death.  His conscience leads him to the right thing.  In 1972, I read The Last Temptation of Christ by Nikos Kazantzakis.  I always refer to that as the most faith-affirming book I’ve ever read. As I think back to it, Mr. Kazantzakis created the ultimate Molon Labe Moment with Christ – or more appropriately, Christ created the ultimate MLM using Kazantzakis as his mouthpiece.  Given the choice of death by crucifixion or life with a beautiful woman and the promise of a family and old age, Christ the human is tempted mightily, but Christ the God chooses his gruesome death and makes the ultimate sacrifice to benefit of all mankind.

The Molon Labe Moment is that moment in time when we can make the simple choice and take the easy road, or we can make the more difficult choice that very well will lead to hardship, difficulty and possibly even death.

We may never be able to anticipate when that moment will come.  A lesser man may be fortunate and never face his moment, but I believe it is a life-defining moment that all of us have the potential to face.  Will we have the courage to do the right thing?

Where am I going ?

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.  I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am  actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.

And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Thomas Merton

Stand By Me

No more needs to be said.  Enjoy.

Stef Golan: Patriot League Coach of the Year

Stef was named Patriot League Coach of the Year this week as she and her West Point ladies head into the Patriot League Tournament on Friday with an NCAA bid on the line.  Soccer has always been a major part of the Gene Kraay family, and Stef's accolade will now top the list.  Here are some other notes about Stef's Black Knights that may interest you.

*Army scored 22 goals in the regular season and allowed just five ... the record for fewest goals against Army is nine set in 2002 when the Black Knights were touched for seven during the regular season and two in the tournament ... Brown is the only team to score more than a goal against Army this season.


*In seven league games, Army has scored five goals by five different players along with a stingy 0.13 GAA, while posting six shutouts (three scoreless overtime draws).

*Army is 7-1-1 at home and unbeaten in its last four matches.

*Freshman Kim An leads the league in goals (nine) and points (20), and is tied for first in game winners (four).

*Senior goalkeeper Alex Lostetter is first in the league in shutouts (10), GAA (0.22) and wins (eight) ... she is ranked No. 2 by the NCAA in GAA and save percentage (.930).

*Army has allowed just two goals in the first half this season in a loss to Fordham and win over Bucknell.

*Army has outscored its opponents 7-2 in the first half, 13-2 in the second, and 2-1 in the first overtime and 0-0 in the second.

*Army has had six games go into overtime to show a 2-1-3 mark.

*Army's 15 shutouts shattered the school mark of 13 set in 1993.

*Army put together a six-game shutout win streak early in the season, three off the mark set at the start of 1993.

*Army tied the school shutout mark in conference play at six, first set in 2008.

*Coach Stefanie Golan is the second Army coach tabbed for Patriot League Coach of the Year honors ... second time for the Black Knights in three years ... Army's first coach, Gene Ventriglia, was a six-time selection.

*Four freshmen have been regulars in Army's starting lineup, with three (Molly McGuigan, Katie Wacker, Melissa McLaws) in the back and the other (Kim An) at midfield ... three others have drawn duty in a majority of the games.

*The freshman class has scored 13 of Army's 22 goals with the senior class registering three goals, five tallied by the junior class and a goal from the sophomore class.

*Army is ranked No. 5 in the Mid-Atlantic Region for the second consecutive week ... its highest ranking was third on 10/21

*Army has ranked No. 1 in GAA in the last four NCAA statistical releases and has been No. 1 in shutout percentage in the last five releases.

*STATISTICALLY

Kim An is the leading scorer in the league with nine goals and 20 points and tied for the most game-winning goals (four).

Alex Lostetter is the top goalkeeper in GAA both league (0.13) and overall (0.22) along with 10 shutouts (six in league play)

Army has allowed just one goal in league matches (0.13 GAA) , that to Bucknell, and five overall for a 0.25 GAA that ranks first nationally

Army has scored 22 goals this season with five in league play

Patriot League Champions

In her second year as Head Coach of the West Point Women's Soccer Team, Stef led the Black Knights to an undefeated league season and championship with a 1-0 win over Holy Cross last night in Worcester, MA.  Several significant records fell in the process, and West Point was ranked nationally in several categories.  The defense was incredibly stingy, and a large contingent of freshmen contributed mightily to the success of the team.  Next on tap is the Patriot League tournament with an NCAA bid in the balance.  What a wonderful job well done!

St. Patrick's Breastplate

St. Patrick's Breastplate is an Irish hymn attributed to St. Patrick during his Irish ministry.  I've posted parts before and have been meaning to put this one up as well.  It is a wonderful way to start your day.

I arise today
Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In the service of archangels ...

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth, and
Firmness of rock.

The 3,000 mile road trip

Decided to head back to Defiance, Missouri and check on the house.  Grandpa thought the change of scenery would be good for him, so he accompanied me on this 3,000 mile round trip.  We left Tucson on Wednesday headed for a stop over in Elk City, OK.  As we pulled into Elk City, a brake pad went out.  Bummer.  Fortunately, we found some good ol' boys up and at 'em at 0730 who helped us out, changed the pads on both front brakes and got us back on the road by 0815.  We reached Defiance around 1600.

As soon as we entered wine country, the nostalgia began to hit.  Marie and I had five good years there before returning to Tucson, but the mood turned a bit sour as we got to the old neighborhood.  Too many houses for sale at such low prices.  It's pretty depressing that such beautiful homes with access to such a beautiful lake are unoccupied and remain for sale.  I've concluded that bin Laden definitely succeeded.  On 9/11, his heinous deed did destroy the American economy, and as much as I want to be a good soldier and support the commander-in-chief, Obama has only exacerbated the situation and made friends with all of the free-loaders at one end of the scale, and the rich guys at the other with his $750 billion bailout.  Bad news for America.

Regardless, my Dad and I spent Friday and Saturday cleaning up around the place.  We power-washed, pulled weeds, trimmed bushes, mowed the lawn, etc.  Thursday and Friday, we had great sandwiched from the Bavarian Smokehaus.  Saturday, David Hamilton, my long-time friend and attorney met us for dinner at Ashley's Rose in Augusta.  It was terrific.  In between, I was able to visit Vic and Ruth Ann at their shop, and Grandpa met all the neighbors, the Babors, Cobleighs and Sadowskis.  All very gracious.  Kyle Burrows, who we've known since he and Brad were in nursery school as two-year olds met me at the house Saturday morning.  Kyle, an attorney by trade, has started a Real Estate company.  He now manages our property.  I could not have entrusted it to anyone better.

After our whirlwind days in Missouri, Grandpa and I were back on the road Sunday morning and made it to Santa Rosa, New Mexico.  It was an easy eight hour drive back to Tucson on Monday.  It was great to be back at the old house in Missouri, but we were grateful to return to Marie.  By the way, in our absence, Marie painted Grandpa's room a Southwest burnt orange and painted his bedframe black to really set it off.  All in all, a good trip, but we're glad to be back in Arizona.

From the Celtic Wise One ...

Dave McGrath, my Celtic kinsman from Upstate New York has been my friend for three decades now.  He passed this gem to me this afternoon.  I know you will enjoy it.

"Me wise old grandmither used to say, 'If you can't put a smile on someone's face today, what's the point of getting up?'  Somewhere there's some wisdom there.  I pinch myself daily and count my lucky starts to be blessed with a great family and friends like you.  I haven't missed the ring on the merry-go-round too many times!"

Faith

When I was young, I believed because I was told to.  As I've matured, I believe because I have faith.

"Questioning our faith and even the object of it is a daily, healthy exercise! Faith cannot be shelved until we need it, for then we will discover that it has grown weak and meaningless from disuse and will not sustain us. The virtue of integrity involves a well-exercised faith that will enable us to survive even the most awful challenges. Even the strongest among us can be reduced to helplessness and silence." 

By Father Thomas Rosica, CSB

Blessing for a Journey

In preparation of Stephanie and the girl's trip back to Missouri, I offer this old Irish verse.

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And the rain fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May you be held in the palm of God's hand.

Back in the Saddle

I note that my blog has been inactive in September.  No excuses.  I'll get it up and running again in October.

Eternity

My mother made her final step in life this morning at 3:00 a.m. and joined God in eternity.

I am the Captain of my soul ....

Brad's good friend Greg Kelly was wise enough to pass this on.  I know you will appreciate this as much as I do.

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.


In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.


Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.


It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley (1849 – 1902)

We are what we love ....

"We are what we love.  If we love God, in whose image we were created, we discover ourselves in him and we cannot help being happy: we have already achieved something of the fullness of being for which we were destined in our creation.  If we love everything else but God .... we cannot help being unhappy ..."

Thomas Merton

Success & Values

"Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value."

Albert Einstein

Try to become a man of success who gives back to the world more than the world gave to him, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, become a man of values.

E.S. Kraay

I am not alone ...

A new friend introduced me to a wonderful poem by Sister Joyce Rupp.  When we face challenges in our lives, it's quite reassuring to know that we are not alone.

"The Exodus in me is marching again
and I fear the nearness of slavery,
I yearn for some unnamed freedom
and the quiet assurance of promise land.

"The days stretch into sand and barrenness.
I do not taste the manna or see the cloud,
the tiny path of my faltering foortsteps
tells the tale of a long, lonely journey.

"Are you near, God-who-never-abandons?
In my weakness, I can barely whisper your name,
in my weariness, my hand does not outstretch,
will you come, God-who-never-fails?

"The Exodus in me is marching again
and I am caught in struggle and pain,
fighting the demon of discouragement
who tags along and haunts my heart.

"God of the wandering ones and my God
protect me from the Egypt of my own making.
Pillar of Fire & Cloud of Light,
assure me that I am not alone."

Sister Joyce Rupp from her book

Dear Heart Come Home

The Book of Eli

I really appreciate unique stories and storytelling.  The Book of Eli certainly qualifies.  I knew nothing about it other than it stars Denzel Washington,  Your Mom and I really like him and I can't remember the last film we saw with him.  Ten minutes into the flick and I was hooked, and the conclusion is well worth the two hours of speculation.  I note that Denzel Washington produced the film, and it occurred to me that had Mel Gibson starred as Eli, the film could have been titled Mad Max IV: The Book of Eli.  Having said that, I though Denzel Washington was terrific.  The film also reminded me of The Road, another film we recently watched and really enjoyed.  Here's another interesting note ... Grandpa has been watching our Friday night movies with us.  Two films, both over two hours, that he never dozed a single time through are Kindgom of Heaven and The Book of Eli.  He found this very interesting and had no problems with the handful of F-bombs.  Five stars from this boy.

Bicycling and hip replacement

In 1990, I thought I had a bad groin pull. Several months later with no relief, I consulted a doctor and learned that I no longer had any cartilage in my left hip. The doctor said I was too young at 41-years old to get a hip replacement. “You’ll get to the point,” he explained, “when you will know it is time.” For the next dozen years or so, I took glucosamine and chondroitin supplements, which I was told could rebuild the cartridge. I really don’t think that worked. I took Celebrex for several months, and that did ease the pain, but I didn’t want to mask the pain because then I would be unable to accurately know what the situation was.


For anyone who’s experienced a similar situation, the pain is pretty intense. I learned to live with it. Finally in 2003, I came home from the soccer fields one evening and barely made it into the house. It was time. I had the hip replacement in 2003. Again, for anyone who’s done it: instant pain relief. I know the procedure has progressed significantly in the last seven years.

While I was pleased with the pain relief, I was not satisfied with the result. Maybe I just didn’t understand it, but I thought I would be able to play soccer, tennis, basketball, etc like I used to. I was very disappointed when I couldn’t. I did all of the therapy, but I still walked with a limp. While I would get out on the tennis court and even the basketball court, I was as limping player who couldn’t cover the court or play defense. All I did was hobble. If the ball was hit to me, I could strike it, but I just couldn’t run it down. The change occurred in 2009, and the change is the point of this story …

My son Brad and daughter-in-law Stephanie gave me an old bicycle that was gathering dust in their garage. I was still living in Missouri at the time. Once my butt got used to the seat, I started riding five miles about four days each week. I thought it was a big deal. Other than the fact that the old mountain bike wasn’t sized right, it worked fine. In October, Marie and I moved back to Arizona, and I started to get more serious about the bike riding. I received great inspiration from 1981 Academy grad John Mooney who finished 81st in the 105-mile Tour de Tucson in 2009.

In short order, I was riding 6 miles a day, five days a week. Then I started stretching out to 10 miles …. Today, I routinely ride 8 miles a day Monday through Friday and 25 miles each Saturday and Sunday. The result has been startling …

I’m playing tennis and covering the court without limping, without pain and without problems. Then I started going down to the basketball court. After a few weeks of half-court games, I got into some full-court games with players 30 and 40 years my junior. I could actually run the court and contribute to a 5v5 game on both sides of the ball. I’m told I don’t limp anymore. Maybe …

The final point is this: if someone asked me how to recuperate from a hip replacement, I would say there is no better alternative than bicycling. The results for me have been unbelievable. I only wish someone had told me five years earlier! The side benefits speak for themselves.

Prayer for the Grace to Age Well

We are all engaged in the process of aging regardless of the count of our years.  This afternoon, I came across this wonderful prayer by Jesuit priest and French Philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.  If memory serves me, the good father also made the well known statement, "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.  We are spiritual beings having a human experience."  I want to share with you his "Prayer for the Grace to Age Well."  As Sister Joan Chittister wisely says, you have to begin to prepare now how you want to be when you are 80.

Prayer for the Grace to Age Well

"When the signs of age begin to make my body
(and still more when they touch my mind);

"when the ill that is to diminish me or carry me off
strikes from without or is born within me;

"when the painful moment comes
in which I suddenly awaken
to the fact that I am ill or growing old;

"and above all at the last moment
when I feel I am losing hold of myself
and am absolutely passive within the hands
of the great unknown forces that have formed me;

"in all those dark moments, O God,
grant that I may understand that it is you
(provided only my faith is strong enough)
who are painfully parting the fibres of my being
in order to penetrate to the very marrow
of my substance and bear me away within myself."

- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, S..J. (1881-1955)

An Old Spanish Saying ...

"When I am on my horse, only God is taller than I am."

Worry

"There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever."

Mahatma Gandhi

as quoted in Father Tom Santa's book Desert Graces

The Road

Three years ago, I read Cormac McCarthy's book The Road.  Last night, I watched the film.  Both are dark works in literature and film; our challenge as readers and viewers is to see the light in the darkness.  Here is what I wrote three years ago in my book review:

"On the one hand, a very simple book. Easy to read. Another example of Mr. McCarthy's penchant for word efficiency. A nameless father and his nameless son walk a nameless road headed south to escape the cold and 'the bad guys' that are characteristic of McCarthy's stark, post-apocalyptic world. More significantly, I could not put the book down and it is difficult to explain why. This is a story of the human heart and its ability to love and survive against all odds when it has been stripped of everything save the very object of its love. My heart wept when I read the final page, put the book on my nightstand and turned off the light."

I stand by that review of the book, and I credit the film makers for capturing the same message of love that poured from the pages of the book.  To say The Road is an enjoyable film is to say Mel Gibson's Passion is an enjoyable film.  Neither is, but each packs a powerful message that is important to everyone.  Last week, I watched Jeff Bridges' Academy Award performance in Crazy Heart.  I thought the film was okay, and I did appreciate Mr. Bridges' performance.  Still, I found Viggo Mortensen's portrayal of the unamed father in The Road far more compelling.

To BE ..

Started doing research on Native Americans and picked up several books at the library yesterday, two by Sioux Chief Ohiyesa.  I found this rather profound by Ohiyesa.

"Generous to the last mouthful of food, fearless of hunger, suffering, and death, the Indian was surely something of a hero.  Not 'to have,' but 'to be,' was his national motto."

Ohiyesa

Time

Yesterday, I asked my dog what time it was.  He said he doesn't know what 'time' is.

I asked a bird to wait a minute and I would refill the feeder for him.  The bird asked, "What's a 'minute?'"

The Need to Conquer the World

One of my favorite passages by Steven Pressfield appears in "The Virtues of War," Mr. Pressfield's novel of Alexander the Great.  I'm posting it to my blog so it's always here for quick reference.

We dine this evening, my officers and I, on a terrace of teak overlooking the river. The talk is of an incident earlier today. My party had been crossing that quadrant of the camp that abuts Oxila village. One of my pages, a bright lad named Agathon, was striding ahead to clear the lane, when he came upon a troupe of gymnosophists taking the sun in the public way. These declined to vacate for my passage. An altercation broke out between the boy and several vendors, who took up the cudgels on the renunciants’ behalf. A crowd gathered. By the time I arrived, a full-blown incident was in progress. The nut of the quarrel was this: Who was more worthy to possess the right of way – Alexander or the gymnosophists? As I reined in, Agathon stood in spirited exchange with the eldest of the wise men. Indicating me, the lad declared, “This man has conquered the world! What have you done?” The philosopher replied without an instant’s hesitation, “I have conquered the need to conquer the world.”

Where does discipline come from ...

I read Steve Pressfield's blog this morning in which he discussed his experience with marathon running a few years back.  Interesting article.  Discipline always comes to the forefront whenever I consider extraordinary athletic achievement.  I do believe I am very disciplined.  I also believe my level of discipline is more an extension of my athletic career than my military training.  I played sports not to make money.  I played because I loved to -- still do -- and with the intention of being the best there was.  You can't be the best at anything without discipline.

All of us have some athletic experience and interest.  That interest varies from one to the other.  Even Mom is committed to swimming every day.  That commitment to get in the pool and do laps develops discipline.  Six months ago, I said I wanted to ride in the Tour de Tucson in November.  Don't need to do it, now.  By November, I will have bicycled the 80 miles or so from Tucson to Maricopa -- maybe not back, but I'll get there!  I know I will not be able to make the trip without the discipline to get my body -- my heart, my legs [and my butt] -- in shape to make the trip.  That will take discipline.

I'd encourage you to define a physical regimen for yourself and commit yourself to it to develop discipline.  Once you have it, you can apply it productively to every aspect of your life.

Catching the Wind of God's Breath

Sunday morning, Mom and I always take our 'power hike.'  That means at least five miles, more likely 10 miles through the Sonoran Desert.  We left the house this morning at 0930 with the intention of walking to the Redemptorist Center.  We agree that the 'worst part' of our journey -- what a poor choice of words -- is always the first half mile from the house to the gate into the Saguaro National Park.  As we walked up the street this morning, we chanced upon a couple who actually live within a stone's throw of the house.  They were photographing a very large rattlesnake in front of someone's home up the street.  After the snake made his way into the stone wall, we all proceeded up the hill.  He asked us if we had ever seen 'the windmill.'  We told him, 'no.'  He tried to give us directions.  Tym -- yes 'Tym' with a 'y' -- and his wife Ursula turned back after we got to the top of the hill and before we entered the free desert.

Marie and I followed our normal course toward the Redemptorist Center, but when we got to the large wash, we decided to turn left, instead of our normal right toward the Center.  About a mile later and several excursions off the beaton track into the open desert -- yes, I carry a compass, and Marie and I are becoming very familiar with our area of the desert -- we found the windmill.  Extraordinary to think that someone, some time -- I'm guessing 50 to 60 years ago -- constructed this windmill to water his livestock.  I'm sure it was horses, not crops.  I'll follow up later when I complete my research.  The current Aermotor logo says the company is from Texas, but it started in Chicago. 

Bottom line: here we are, in the middle of the desert along an unfrequented wash, and we come upon this windmill that someone constructed sometime for some reason. 

In the simplest of terms, he captured God's breath in the Sonoran Desert.

Man's Best Friend

Senator George Graham Vest won a court battle and the hearts of dog lovers everywhere when he paid his famous tribute to the dog during the 1870 Burden vs. Hornsby court case in Warrensburg, Missouri.  Here is the speech Senator Vest delivered on that special day.

"Gentlemen of the jury, the best friend a man has in this world may turn against him and become his enemy. His son or daughter whom he has reared with loving care may prove ungrateful. Those who are nearest and dearest to us -- those whom we trust with our happiness and good name -- may become traitors in their faith. The money that a man has he may lose. It flies away from him, perhaps when he needs it most. A man's reputation may be sacrificed in a moment of ill-considered action. The people who are prone to fall on their knees to do us honor when success is with us may be the first to throw the stone of malice when failure settles its cloud upon our heads. The one absolute, unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world -- the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous -- is his dog.

"Gentlemen of the jury, a man's dog stands by him in prosperity and poverty, in health and sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground, where the wintry winds blow, and the snow drives fiercely, if only he can be near his master's side. He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer; he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounter with the roughness of the world. He guards the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince. When all other friends desert, he remains. When riches take wings and reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love as the sun in its journey through the heavens.

"If fortune drives the master forth an outcast in the world, friendless and homeless, the faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him to guard against danger, to fight against his enemies. And when the last scene of all comes, and death takes the master in its embrace, and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends pursue their way, there by his graveside will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws, his eyes sad but open in alert watchfulness, faithful and true even to death."

If you want to play .... play

A week ago when Marie was in Maricopa waiting for Lyla's arrival, I started going down to the park on my bike after supper with my basketball.  Marana constructed an awesome park with BBall courts, tennis courts, etc. just 1.5 miles from the house.  I went down this evening.  Within 5 minutes, I was playing horse with a Marana high school sophomore player.  Five minutes later, I was in a 2v2 game with three Marana players.  Me and the fat kid lost 21-16.  Fair enough.  Then I heard them talking about 'smoking' and I don't think they were talking about cigarettes.  Without lecturing, I told them if you want to play, play.  If you want to be a dope, do dope.  I left on my bicycle.  They were respectful enough.  I'll be back tomorrow looking for the same kids.  This time, I will lecture.  By the way, one kid knows who Shane Battier is, and one kid thought he knew who Dick Vitale is.

Why I Watch the Stars

Because they have always been there.

Lyla Marie

Welcome to the world, you innocent child of God.  May He watch over you with His loving hand through the wisdom and guidance of your parents and with the joy of your sister.  From start to finish, keep these words from Ralph Waldo Emerson in mind:

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."

To Xylia Anne

On this special day when she becomes a big sister ...

"A page is turned in this world to reveal a little girl
With a heart that's bigger, as it is unfurled
By the language in her soul, that's teaching her to grow
With a careful cover of love that will not fail."

by Bebo Norman

Big Fish

In the film Big Fish, narrator Edward Bloom says,

"If goldfish are kept in a small bowl, they will remain small. With more space, the fish can double, triple, quadruple in size."

I think that is what is happening to my mind in the desert.

Resurrection

It’s quieter, says I,
Than any but the first,
When things became
Something from nothing.
When there was no time.

It stops, time does.
He sleeps wounded
And awakes unharmed
Like he was before creation
When there was no time.

He rises, he does,
With the breath of God
That called into being
All that was not
When there was no time.

He looks, and I am framed
By the wound in his hand.
He smiles through it and I fly away
To tell my wren-like friends.

© 2010 ES Kraay

It's a gift, not a reward ...

As we approach Good Shepherd Sunday, my spiritual mentor Father Alexei Michalenko offered me this.

"God's love for us as manifested in Jesus is a gift, not a reward.
It's grace, not a salary."

An Angel from God

I met an Angel this week. I went to the chapel on Monday afternoon to pray for a special intention. Normally, I would have gone to the outdoor chapel, the Stations or the Labyrinth, but on this day – it was very windy – I decided to go to the chapel. I sat alone by the windows, or thought so, to read my afternoon prayers – Celtic, Merton and Psalms – and heard a quiet sniffling in the back row. I glanced over and saw a beautiful young lady sitting by herself in contemplation. When I finished my prayers and stood to leave, I knew I had a choice: I could walk out and leave her to her painful meditation, or I could say something. As I approached the door, Luke’s often used words entered my mind. I stopped and turned toward the girl. “Do not be afraid,” I told her, “It will be alright.” She raised her weeping eyes, smiled and said, “Thank you.” I know she was an angel sent to tell me the very thing I told her.

"The angel said to him, "Don't be afraid,Zechariah. Your prayer has been heard."

Luke 1:13

Another Breastplate from St. Patrick

"I arise today
Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In the service of archangels ...

"I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth,
Firmness of rock."

Questions

From Thomas Merton

"God makes us ask ourselves questions most often when He intends to resolve
them. He gives us needs that He alone can satsify and awakens capacities
that He means to fulfill."

Be Found, Stay Found

From Thomas Merton

"Good Shepherd, You have a wild and crazy sheep in love with thorns and brambles.

But please don't get tired of looking for me! I know You won't.

For You have found me. All I have to do is stay found."

A Simple Prayer

Forgive me, Lord
For all the times
I failed to say "Thank You."

Through the shadow ...

On Tuesday, February 16th, I posted a blog on the old site that I titled “A Story to Remember.” Exerts included:

I do believe, however, that God has given each of us the opportunity to find a calling more in step with his intentions. God moves at his pace, not our pace, and in the final analysis, his will will be done, and if we pay attention, his will will be our will as well.

We will face challenges … challenges as husbands and wives, sons and daughters, fathers and mothers, but I believe if we can approach each day [knowing] that God is helping us move in a different direction that is better for us, we will come out of this as better, stronger people who can set an example for others in our family and in our communities.

Brad and Jesse got whacked, no doubt about it. They might have bent during the previous six weeks, but they never broke. Jesse has taken a risk and started his own company. His clientele list continues to grow, and his product is well worth the investment. I will certainly entrust him with the website for the next book. After weeks of job-hunting and interviewing, Brad accepted a position today that I am certain will be more fulfilling than any previous job he has had.

Mom and I are very proud of how they and their families reacted in a very difficult situation. As well, we are proud of the way Stephanie and Lauren stood by them through dark times. Stef’s family and Nick’s family were there lending their morale support, and Stef and Dave really stepped up to help Brad with the job hunt, and Jesse with new clientele.

Mom and I just came back from the feed ‘n grain with the dog food. We both discussed how God helped each of us in different ways to face the challenge in a positive way. In the final analysis, God is the sole and exclusive reason we have made it through this challenging six weeks in a positive and productive way.

Paraphrasing another posting:

"We raised the sails of our spirits and caught the wind of God’s breath."

Thank you, Lord on this special day of Passover.

Genesis

With Jesse's help, just transferred my websites to a different server. No big deal, but I will be starting a new blog. When I kicked this off a year or so ago, I did it exclusively for my kids. If someone stumbled into it, that was fine. A year later, I can see the only people who routinely touched base on this blog were Mom and Brad. That is okay. Bottom line: this blog will give you a perspective on where my head's at.